How Should I Speak to My Partner About Abortion?

Unfortunately, no method of birth control is 100% effective. Whether you are using birth control or not, deciding whether or not to receive an abortion at our Long Island office is difficult. To make the best decision, you must take into account your own feelings, as well as your partner’s. Discussing the possibility of receiving an abortion with your partner is difficult, but necessary to make the best decision. Read on to learn about how you can best broach this subject, while remaining sensitive to his/her feelings.

1. Be 100% Certain That You Are Pregnant

Before delving into this often-sensitive conversation, you should be certain that you are definitely pregnant. Pregnancy tests can occasionally yield a false positive. So, in order to be 100% certain that you are actually pregnant, you should take the extra step. One way to do this is taking a second pregnancy test. To be especially certain, though, you should take a blood or urine test administered by a qualified doctor.

Knowing that you are definitely pregnant will ensure that this abortions conversation is necessary.

pregnancy test

2. Think About Your Own Feelings on the Matter

While you should (to some extent) consider your partner’s feelings on the matter, it’s okay to think about your feelings. Try to consider what a pregnancy would mean for you. In fact, there are many ways that this question could affect you. Some women opt to receive an abortion because of financial reasons. If you don’t have the proper resources, then this may be the appropriate action. Other women are unsure that they are emotionally prepared to raise a child. Before discussing abortions with your partner, consider how you feel about the matter. Speaking to a peer or somebody close to you may help you to process and understand these feelings.

couple difficult dialogue

3. Prepare Your Dialogue

The best approach for this is to be clear about exactly how you are feeling, while still being understanding. Do you definitely want an abortion? Then open with that. Are you still considering how it would affect your life? Then tell your partner that instead. Opening this dialogue correctly is crucial to making this conversation successful. Also, remember that non-surgical abortions are also a legitimate option. You may also want to ask your partner to help you decide which method is right for you.

4. Decide When to Open This Conversation

Discussing having an abortion is not an incidental conversation. So, you should refrain from opening up this conversation at inopportune times. In other words, do not begin to discuss this right before going to work. Instead, have this discussion when you will both have the time and energy to properly sort out your feelings.

While time is an important element, you should also consider the location. For privacy’s sake, you will likely not want to discuss the choice to have an abortion in a public area, such as a restaurant, train or waiting area.


5. Remain Calm

The emotional nature of this conversation may cause your partner to have a strong reaction. Keep in mind that you have known about the pregnancy for at least one day by now, and they are suddenly learning of it. Because of this, they may say hurtful and/or erratic things. Try to be understanding of their position, and talk them through it.

You should also decide whether to discuss the abortion now or later. Some women may choose to give their partner the time they need to digest this information. Others, however, will want to discuss these options organically. Consider how you want to proceed beforehand.

6. Communicate How You Feel

How do you truly feel about the pregnancy? Conveying your feelings about whether or not to pursue an abortion at our Long Island office will probably help your partner to process the situation. Additionally, it’s okay to have mixed feelings about this. Feeling conflicted about an abortion is a natural (and expected) response. The proper support will go a long way in helping you to make an informed decision.

couple arguing

7. Try to Make a Mutual Decision

Ultimately, your feelings about how to proceed should matter the most. But, to continue your relationship in the most positive way, making a mutually agreed upon decision about abortions is helpful. This decision should take into account all relevant factors, including finance, emotions, and health.


Advice from Stony Brook Women’s Health

Discussing whether or not to receive an abortion with your partner is a critical, yet difficult, part of this process. At Stony Brook Women’s Health, our experienced staff will support any decision that our patients make.